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Cog in a Wheel:

Disclaimer: I told my husband I would write today-this is covering some of the thoughts and conversations I have had with many of my working mother friends. Us Gen-X/Y mothers. We are tired. But don’t worry about me, I’m okay. All these feelings don’t belong to me. And look, I wrote something! Even if it is just a shitty blog.

One never means to disappear, certainly not from their own life. Disappearing happens slowly, so slowly that the soon to be Disappeared doesn’t even notice it happening. It starts with a “no, it’s okay, I’ve got it” and a “Sure, I’ll take care of that, just let me juggle a few things” and it ends with you looking longingly at the wide-open water and wondering how far you can walk before you run out of breath. And would anyone notice?

Then comes the crushing guilt, because the voice in your head chides you for not being grateful for the things you have. For wanting more or better or different or less. You are discontent and the world tells you that you were made to be happy doing a job handed to you before you even knew you wanted it. Before it was even a question in your mind. Your job was to grow up, work, have a family, be a wife, be a mom, be a daughter, sister, mother, friend… and never be a person. You never realized that you signed your name on the life contract that would relegate you to being a cog in a wheel of an ever-moving, never-ending machine of life that only sometimes brings joy but often grief. This machine of life is a cruel trick sold to you from the inside pocket of a snake-oil trader. They sell you a dream happiness-just out of reach but attainable- if… if… IF. Ifs into perpetuity.

The truth of the machine was found in the fine print and it plainly states- Use at your own risk. May come with great bliss, will absolutely come with crippling grief, and the most you can hope for is contentment with moments of joy found between the swells of hardship. The machine is no machine after all. It is a wavy water body that is sometimes calm, sometimes stormy, and always moving. You just need to acclimate to the temperature and hope you have the stamina to keep treading water. True, the bliss is so worth it, but also true is that the hard parts rarely feel worth it. Do not be ashamed of being tired of it, of being unhappy, discontent, angry, hostile, sad…. It is normal to be all things. We are all tired and right now the world doesn’t offer a lot to believe in. We are living in a time of darkness and it’s okay to feel shitty-don’t judge yourself. Everyone is hurting.

So sisters, swim on. Find one another and help each other stay afloat. Recognize what you need and make it happen. Love yourself. Be a priority. Force yourself to do things like write a shitty blog or play an old piano. It’s time we stop giving every last ounce of ourselves to everyone else, everything else. We need to put on our own masks first friends. Whatever is your oxygen, keep that handy, I’m not sure when life will get easier, but a mask will help you breathe underwater.

 

FIE! FIE!

I am filled with a boiling rage.  If you don’t know why then read this and take your pick.

My Aussi friend asked me where I was going to flee.  At first I said I was going by way of Canada since I have friends who will take me in.  But then I said that I was not going to go (obviously we were joking) because we are massive.  We, all those of us who marched in the streets around this country, we are bigger.  We must fight, we have two years to to get our voice into a position of power.  So I stay and fight.  You fight too! Find your local political party and get involved, educate your friends and young people about inclusion and how to be an ally and how to just be a caring and compassionate individuals.

Fie is the word that screamed in my head.  It is used to register disgust or outrage, or in my case-both.  And I am angry.  So angry that I need to stop writing for fear of saying things out of emotion instead of intellect. I’ve already written and erased several ranting paragraphs.  So instead, I am going to remind you of this.  How we felt, what Obama gave us when he was elected.  Hope and inspiration.  We can still hold on to this. I think many of us agreed we became complacent once Obama made it in.  We took for granted that our country moved forward.  We couldn’t imagine it would fall backward so much.  So harshly.  So – constant vigilance, my friends.  Yes we can! Don’t give up.  We can do this!

Now What?

As we drove into the state of Michigan, from a sea of pink hats to a dense fog of red voters, I wondered what would be next. Would I have the courage to wear my hat and pins proudly without my pink brothers and sisters beside me? Where would I find my infusion of Fight the Man?  Would I  come home without a plan?

This morning I woke in a funk, the fog outside still lingering around to remind me of the lack of clarity I felt for our future. What was next?

I didn’t want to do anything- just sleep. But I decided to work out and while I did I had a great text convo with a friend who was also in a funk. She didn’t feel like working out either-she’d been watching coverage and the press conference and feeling disheartened.

I told her to guck Trump! (Thank you autocorrect) and that I didn’t stand for four hours in a sea of flesh and pink hats so Trump could make her fat and lazy. I was trying to be funny but it sparked a great “What’s Next” chat. And it distracted me from the fact I was working out.

Let me just tell you. Something is next. Something is coming down the pipes and we are over one million strong. We are legion upon legion. Compared to us, legion is tiny.

Day one-ready to kick ass.


If you don’t know what to do next www.womensmarch.com/100 has some ideas. And find out when/where your next meeting is. I saw this in FB-volunteer to organize it. Find your people and get together to make our world a world we can be proud of. Proud on everyone’s behalf.

And for you non-FB people -here is my D.C. Wrap up video. Maybe it’ll help fire you up.

Vast Sea of Humanity

We are the popular vote! 

What an amazing day! I don’t know what media is saying, but this is a vast movement of human beings fighting for human rights. And not just here. 

I don’t know the count yet, but it has got to have been over 500,000. Men, women, children, LGBTQ young, old, people of all color.  I don’t know what the media is saying about yesterday- but there was barely anyone here for Trump. It was pink hats everywhere. 

My cell signal was non existent but at one point an alert got through from WA Post saying the march was canceled due to the size of the crowd. Yeah- that didn’t happen. The march took over and headed past Trump’s Hotel (stopping to chant SHAME! and Booo!) then headed to the whitehouse. 

Everywhere- everywhere- people standing, marching and shouting for equality.